


High Noon Tea with the Pen Men Three

by ruethereal



Series: Of Silly Magic Tricks, Unicorns, and Single Fatherhood [4]
Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Humor, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-02
Updated: 2010-09-02
Packaged: 2017-10-11 10:16:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruethereal/pseuds/ruethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the same universe as <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/107911">What Two Pence Are Really Worth</a>: Who says the Round Table can't be used for tea time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	High Noon Tea with the Pen Men Three

**Author's Note:**

> This is obviously a work of ~~laziness~~ experimentation! But it begged to be written, I think. Warning: Beware of OOC(to the point of CRACK)!Uther &lt;3!!

ARTHUR. Can you bring out the brandy, Father?

UTHER. Brandy?  What for?  We’re meant to be having tea, the three of us.  Not getting sloshed.

ARTHUR. I’m not trying to get _sloshed_—

UTHER. And quit calling me ‘Father,’ will you?  We’re not living in the Middle Ages.  Call me ‘Dad’ like any normal person would.

ARTHUR. Last I checked, you still encourage Mordred to call you ‘Sir Papa.’

UTHER. That’s different.  He’s a child, still living in the land of whimsy.

MORDRED. Yes, Father.  Whimsy.

UTHER. Look what you’ve done, Arthur.  Now he’s calling you ‘Father.’

ARTHUR. He _chose_ to—

UTHER. Then _you_ can very well choose to call me ‘Dad.’

ARTHUR. It’s been thirty-one years.  I don’t think I ever will—

UTHER. Is that how old you are now?  Christ, I must be ancient.

ARTHUR. Too true.  Now will you _please_ bring out the brandy?

UTHER. Honestly, Arthur, I see no reason for you to liven up your tea.  I would think Mordred and I were fine enough company to keep you entertained without the need for brandy.

ARTHUR. Does it always have to be about you?

MORDRED. Father’s in love.

ARTHUR. What!

UTHER. Well, now.

ARTHUR. I am _not_—

UTHER. If that’s true, is the brandy to numb the sting of unrequited love?  Really, son, you’re far too great of a man to let yourself get tied to a hopeless romance.

ARTHUR. Father—!

UTHER. In any case, who is this person?

ARTHUR. I am _not_ in love with anyone!

MORDRED. She works at the café with Emmy.  Her name is Lady Gwen.  Father and Emmy are always talking about her.  She’s very nice and pretty and draws bears on my hot chocolate.

UTHER. I see.

ARTHUR. Mordred, I am not in love with Gwen.

MORDRED. Then why are you and Emmy always whispering about her?

UTHER. Yes, Arthur, why are you and Andy always whispering about her?

ARTHUR. It’s Emmy—Christ, I mean _Merlin_—and we are _not_ always whispering about her!  It was just once in front of you—

UTHER. So there’ve been times when Mordred is not around?

ARTHUR. Well, Merlin’s been trying to get me to go out on a date with her—

UTHER. Then what’s stopping you if you’re in love with her?  No woman in their right mind would turn down a Pendragon.

MORDRED. Except Mum.

UTHER. Yes, except Morgana, but she’s beside the point.

ARTHUR. Father.  Mordred.  I am not—I repeat—_not_ in love with Gwen.  Nor anyone else, for that matter.

MORDRED. I think she’d make a lovely mum.

UTHER. Well that settles it!

ARTHUR. Settles what!

UTHER. You’ll be bringing her by for dinner on Saturday.

MORDRED. But Sir Papa, I’ll be with Mum!  I want to be there when—

ARTHUR. I will not—!

UTHER. Oh yes, I suppose I’d like to see how she gets on with Mordred.  Perhaps Friday night.

ARTHUR. I _said_—

MORDRED. Oh, does this mean Emmy can come, too?

ARTHUR. Of course, it doesn’t.  No one’s going anywhere Friday night.

UTHER. Who is this Jimmy character you keep mentioning, Mordred?

ARTHUR. His name is Merlin—

MORDRED. Emmy is my court sorcerer!  He does magic tricks and gives me free hot chocolate and gives Father funny gifts.  He’s very nice and pretty, too.

UTHER. Hm, I wouldn’t mind having a court sorcerer.

MORDRED. Oh, you must!

ARTHUR. Christ, I’m going mad.

UTHER. With passion?

MORDRED. Emmy would make a lovely mum, too, don’t you think, Father?

ARTHUR. The brandy’s in your study, yeah?


End file.
